Read and analyze the following selection by Art Buchwald.

The Facts of Life

This is the time of the year when fathers sit down and have heart-to-heart talks with their sons.

"Son, now that you have graduated your mother feels I would not be fulfilling my duties as a
father if I did not explain certain facts about life to you."

"Yes, Dad."

"First, I would like to show you a few things that you will have to deal within the outside world.
For example, this item is called a necktie."

"What do you do with it?"

"You tie it around your neck like this and wear it with a shirt."

"What for?"

"Nobody is quite sure. But when you do go out into the cold world, people will expect you to
wear one. It's the Establishment's answer to the peace symbol."

"It sure looks funny. What else, Dad?"

"This, my boy, is a suit-what are you laughing at?"

"The jacket matches the pants. Hey, that's really crazy."

"Yes, the jacket does match the pants, and you will be expected to wear them together during
the daytime."

"But the pants have a crease in the front. What's that for?"

"I'm not certain of its purpose, but now that you are an adult, you will be expected to keep a
crease in your pants."

"Man, what will they think of next?"

"Son, I wish you wouldn't take our talk lightly. Perhaps I should have explained these things
to you before, but I didn't want to ruin your school days. Yet what I am telling you now will have
a great effect on everything you do."

"Sorry, Dad, but you have to admit wearing a tie and a jacket that matches the pants-What
do you call it, a suit?-is a pretty funny idea."

"Can we proceed? These queer-looking leather things are called shoes. Do you have any idea
what they're used for?"

"Beats me."

"You put them on your feet to protect them from sharp objects."

"I don't want to wear anything like that, Dad. I'll take my chances."

"I don't know how to break it to you, son, but most places require grown-ups to wear shoes."

"Look, Dad, if you want me to, I will wear a necktie, and I'll even go along with the jacket and
matching pants with a crease in them, but I'm not going to put those stupid leather things on
my feet."

"Shoes, son, shoes. Believe me, you'll get used to them. Alter a while you might even get to like
them and keep them polished."

"You mean I have to polish them too?"

"You don't have to, but they look better that way and last longer. Here, put on these socks and
then ........

"What are socks?"

"You wear them under the shoes so the leather won't rub your feet."

"I thought the shoes were supposed to protect my feet."

"Provided you wear socks. Son, please don't make this too difficult for me. I'm not very good at
explaining the facts of life, but believe me, I've been telling you the truth."

"I'm sorry, Did, it's just that you've thrown all this stuff at me at one time, and It comes as a
shock."

"Perhaps we talked enough for one day. Tomorrow I'd like to tell you about a thing called a
razor."

"Razor? That's a funny word."